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Every day, we make countless decisions, both big and small. From choosing what to eat for breakfast to making career-changing choices, our days are filled with decisions.
But have you ever wondered why, despite all our intelligence and experience, we often end up making terrible decisions?
You’re not alone—it’s a universal problem!
Scientists have been scratching their heads over this for decades.
Today, we’re going to dive deep into the real reason why humans often struggle with making good decisions. And trust me, it’s not what you think!
So, what’s going on in our brains that makes us mess up so often? Let’s unravel the mystery and discover how we can start making better choices.
#1: Your feelings impact your ability to think.
Our feelings play a huge role in how we make decisions. Sometimes, they can really mess with our ability to think clearly. We’ve all had moments when we lost our cool, right? And what happens when we lose our cool? We lose our ability to reason effectively.
You might think it’s just the bad moments that mess with our thinking, but surprisingly, even good moods can affect our ability to make decisions. In one study done at Oxford, participants were shown short films to put them in a positive, negative, or neutral mood. Then, they were asked to solve some reasoning problems. Those in a positive mood did worse than the others. So, being in a good mood doesn’t guarantee better decisions, either.
As our mood changes, our ability to reason changes with it. This is why making complex decisions is so tough—it’s hard to manage our moods in everyday life. Our emotions can hijack our brains.
How Our Brain Works While Decision-Making?
Our brain has different parts that handle different functions. When it comes to decision-making, two main players are the prefrontal cortex (the rational brain) and the amygdala (the emotional brain).
- Prefrontal Cortex: This part handles complex thinking, planning, and decision-making. It helps us weigh pros and cons, consider long-term consequences, and make logical choices.
- Amygdala: This is the emotional center. It deals with our immediate reactions to situations, like fear, excitement, and anger.
When we’re feeling strong emotions, the logical part of our brain—the prefrontal cortex—gets overpowered by the emotional part, the amygdala. This is often called an “amygdala hijack.”
For example, if you’re super excited about buying a new gadget, your excitement might make you overlook the fact that you can’t really afford it right now. Or if you’re scared of a situation, you might avoid it altogether, even if facing it would be the best thing to do.
Our emotions can make us focus on immediate feelings rather than long-term consequences.
Emotions aren’t always bad for making decisions though. They can actually help us in ways that pure logic can’t. For example:
- Sometimes, our gut feelings are based on things we’ve learned and experienced, even if we don’t realize it. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s often a good idea to listen to that feeling.
- Emotions help us figure out what’s really important in our lives. How we feel about our relationships, goals, and values can guide us to make choices that fit who we are.
The key to better decision-making is to balance emotions and reason.
So how do we balance emotion and reason?
Here are a few tips:
- Pause and Reflect: If you’re feeling a strong emotion, take a moment to pause. This gives your prefrontal cortex a chance to catch up and think things through.
- Ask for Advice: Sometimes, it’s helpful to get a second opinion from someone who’s not as emotionally involved in the situation. They can provide a more objective perspective.
- Consider Long-Term Consequences: Try to think beyond the immediate emotional impact. How will this decision affect you in the long run?
- Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques, like deep breathing and meditation, can help you stay calm and centered, making it easier to think clearly.
If you always act based on how you feel in the moment, even the best advice might not save you from making poor choices. Letting your feelings control your thinking is a surefire way to invite problems into your life.
So, next time you’re faced with a decision, try to balance your emotions with some clear thinking. It’ll make a world of difference!
#2: Your beliefs blind you enough so that you don’t see the full reality.
We all have certain beliefs in our minds.
Some of them, when they are reinforced over and over through evidence, get strengthened.
And when they get strengthened, they interfere with our reasoning ability.
There are several ways beliefs can lead to bad decisions.
For example:
If you think that today is your lucky day, you might buy lottery tickets hoping to win and think that you can rely on your good luck to get rich. In reality, just because you believe something will happen doesn’t mean it will actually happen.
So many people in the world believe in things like “manifestation” or the “law of attraction.” They think that by building a belief that they will achieve their desired life, they will manifest certain things.
However, they don’t see reality. They only attract who they are through their actions.
But just because they strongly believe in those gimmicks, they actually live their lives thinking that those techniques work.
When logical arguments face beliefs, most people have a strong tendency to go with their beliefs instead of logic.
This is why it’s hard to be logical.
When you believe too much in some idea, you start collecting evidence around it that confirms your theory.
In psychology, this is called confirmation bias.
Along with it comes the sunk cost fallacy. When you have too much investment in a certain belief, you tend to continue investing in it even if it’s not true.
And when you collect enough positive evidence around your belief or idea, you become overconfident and think that it is actually true.
You trick yourself into believing that your ideas represent true reality.
We tend to think that we have more control over our thinking than we actually have.
These beliefs together cloud our judgment and prevent us from seeing the true reality in front of us.
The solution to fight this problem is simple: Don’t have rigid beliefs about anything.
#3: You overestimate how efficiently you could predict an event that has already happened.
Once, there was a mountain climber who had successfully climbed several mountains. One day, he was guiding his fellow climbers.
He was confident that nothing would go wrong.
And guess what happened?
While they were climbing, the weather got really bad, and a few of them fell.
How could this be?
This happened because the leader had hindsight bias.
He overestimated his ability to predict future events.
He thought that just because he had completed a few climbs successfully, he would also complete this one.
He was so sure how things would turn out.
However, he didn’t realize that all his successful climbs had been during good weather. He hadn’t climbed during bad weather.
We overestimate our ability to predict events.
When things go well, we say, “I knew this would happen,” as if we could accurately predict all future events.
And when things don’t go as expected, we try to prove how unexpected elements turned the situation against us. Then we say, “How could I have known?”
We all have defense mechanisms like this in our minds so that we don’t feel bad about ourselves.
Every time our assumptions are proved wrong, we try to find reasons why we couldn’t predict them.
But in our everyday lives, we move as if we know what we are doing and pretend as if everything is under our control.
For example, many people buy stocks, and when their purchased stock rises in value, they think it was their good decision-making. Sure, that plays a part, but luck is also a factor. Yet, they act as if the “luck factor” wasn’t even in the equation. If their purchased stocks fall in value, they blame it on luck.
Thinking that all external events are in our control is an illusion that always leads to bad decision-making.
Just because you are getting favorable results, don’t immediately assume that you are a great decision-maker.
Remember that behind your overconfidence, there is hindsight bias hiding in the shadows.
#4: You have an abundance of information, and thus you consume far more than necessary.
Thanks to social media, search engines, and AI tools like ChatGPT, we now have an abundance of information.
Information is useful.
But at the same time, it’s addictive.
Information is in abundance, but still not enough to quench our thirst of mind.
Our brains weren’t ready to consume this amount of complex information.
A lot of information is nonsense if consumed without context.
Today, mental health is a great concern because of digital addiction.
Even teens are now facing depression.
Everybody is far more stressed out than they should be.
And since we are so busy consuming data, we are now engaging less in physical activities.
Exercise helps in improving the functioning of the brain.
No wonder our stressed-out minds are getting dull at making decisions.
Attention is the lowest it has ever been.
How can you make decisions when your mind has become impulsive?
When we have too many choices, we face a choice paradox.
More choices aren’t always better.
This is why today people are more confused than ever before.
For example, let’s say you have to eat something. Now, when you open the food ordering application, you have so many varieties of food to choose from.
What used to be easier is now harder.
Simply choosing what to order and eat is now another task you have to spend your mental energy on.
This is just one example of how an abundance of information or products is proving costly to our brains.
Now imagine how many choices we make in our daily lives.
Your brain has more load than ever before.
On top of this, we are now conditioned for overstimulation.
If something is too simple, we lose interest in it.
We live in times when every person is hyperstimulated.
It’s like we are acting against ourselves.
Instead of simplifying our reality, we are trying to make it more complicated.
And then we ask, “Why isn’t our life in order?”
No wonder most people are struggling to get their lives in order.
If your mind isn’t relaxed or stable, it will eventually cause disturbances in your daily life.
To consume less information, you must realize that information is useless if it’s not improving the quality of your life in some way.
For instance, if you are consuming news on climate change, then it’s important as it’s going to impact your life.
But if you are consuming information about when a celebrity is going to marry, then it’s a waste of time. Those celebrities don’t even know you exist.
Always be critical about what you’re putting inside your brain.
Both time and your capacity to remember things are limited. The time you are wasting consuming irrelevant, stimulating information could be used to consume higher-level information that will give you a better perspective.
#5: You react to external events instead of looking at your judgment about the event.
Impulsive behavior is the root cause behind bad decisions.
To make a good decision, you need a still mind.
Most people react to situations instead of understanding them.
Thus, any external event has the power to shape their actions.
They get triggered easily by any situation.
When situations are favorable, they feel better. When situations are unfavorable, they lose their temper.
Instead of being reactive, you should be proactive.
We are not really affected by external situations, but by our own judgment of them.
In simple terms, any situation could be seen as good or bad, depending on your subjective viewpoint.
A situation could be bad for one person and good for someone else.
How we interpret a situation depends on how we see it subjectively.
If you don’t understand this concept, and you don’t know what actually happens to you on a daily basis, your decisions will be based on temporary feelings.
To make critical decisions, you must have control over your emotions.
If you are reactive, you don’t have any power to influence your situations.
You either influence or you get influenced.
One simple way to gain power over your situation is to focus on what you can control.
People pay too much attention to what’s not in their control. This results in negative thinking.
Negative thoughts force you to see any situation from a negative perspective.
The key is to reframe your negative thoughts and see situations from a neutral perspective.
You might wonder, why not a positive perspective?
That’s because neither a positive nor a negative perspective gives us a true sense of reality. It’s always better to stay neutral and see the complete picture.
To do this, you must know how to regulate your emotions.
As discussed earlier, emotional bias affects your ability to make better decisions. While emotions are important, it’s more likely that you will make the wrong choice when your mind is overflowing with them.
By implementing these strategies, you can strengthen your ability to remain steady and composed, regardless of external circumstances.
#6: Your relationship with your “Self” isn’t clear.
Ever thought why some choices just seem to feel right while others leave us second-guessing ourselves?
One thing I’ve realized is that knowing our values plays a huge role in decision-making.
How will you make a critical decision if you don’t know who you are and what you stand for?
Seriously, having values is like having a built-in GPS for life’s big and small decisions.
What Are Values, Anyway?
First off, let’s talk about what values actually are. Values are those core beliefs and principles that guide us through life. Think of them as your internal compass.
They reflect what’s most important to you, like honesty, family, achievement, or kindness. Everyone’s values are a bit different, shaped by our experiences, culture, and upbringing. But no matter what your specific values are, they serve the same purpose: helping you navigate through life.
When you know your values, making decisions becomes a lot easier. Imagine you’re faced with a tough choice at work, like whether to speak up about a mistake that might cost the company some money.
If honesty is one of your core values, the decision becomes clearer. You’ll likely choose to speak up, even if it’s difficult, because it aligns with what you believe in. It feels right, and that’s because it matches your internal compass.
Values also help us prioritize.
We all have limited time and energy, right?
By knowing what’s most important to us, we can focus our efforts on those areas.
For example, if family is one of your top values, you’ll make time for family gatherings and be present for your loved ones, even if work is demanding. This helps you maintain a balance and ensures that you’re putting your energy into what truly matters to you.
Another big benefit of knowing your values is the confidence it brings. When you’re clear about what you stand for, you’re less likely to be swayed by others’ opinions or external pressures. It’s like having a solid foundation.
Even when things get tough, you can stand firm in your decisions because they’re rooted in your core beliefs. This kind of consistency not only makes decision-making easier but also builds your self-esteem. You know who you are and what you stand for, which is incredibly empowering.
Life is full of tough decisions, and it’s not always black and white. But when you know your values, you have a reliable guide to help you through the gray areas.
For instance, let’s say you value both career success and family. You get a job offer that’s a big step up but requires moving away from your family.
It’s a tough choice, but knowing your values can help you weigh the pros and cons more effectively. You might decide that staying close to family is more important at this point in your life, or you might find a compromise that allows you to pursue your career while still maintaining family ties.
Living in alignment with your values can also bring a deep sense of fulfillment. When your actions match your beliefs, you feel more authentic and true to yourself. It’s a great feeling, knowing that you’re living in a way that’s consistent with who you are.
This authenticity not only improves your sense of well-being but also influences how others perceive you. People are drawn to those who are genuine and consistent in their actions and beliefs.
So, how do you go about identifying your values?
It’s not always immediately obvious, but there are a few ways to get started.
One method is to think about moments in your life when you felt particularly proud, satisfied, or fulfilled.
What was happening in those moments? What values were you honoring?
Another approach is to consider times when you felt upset or frustrated. Often, these feelings arise when our values are being challenged or ignored.
Reflecting on these experiences can give you insight into what’s truly important to you.
Once you’ve identified your values, the next step is to align your actions with them.
This might require some changes in how you approach certain situations. For example, if health is a top value but you’ve been neglecting it, you might decide to start prioritizing exercise and healthy eating. It’s about making conscious choices that reflect your core beliefs.
Of course, living according to your values isn’t always easy. There will be times when external pressures and expectations conflict with your beliefs.
During these times, it’s important to stay true to yourself, even if it means making tough choices or standing up to criticism.
It’s not about being rigid but about being true to what’s important to you. Flexibility is okay, but compromising on core values usually leads to regret and dissatisfaction.
#7: You Are in Denial About Your Bad Choices, and That’s Why You Continue to Make Them
You know how sometimes we keep making the same bad choices over and over, and it feels like we’re stuck in a loop?
Well, I think a big part of why this happens is because we might be in denial about those bad choices. It’s like we don’t want to admit to ourselves that we’re making mistakes, so we just keep repeating them.
What Is Denial?
First off, let’s talk about what denial really means.
Denial is when we refuse to acknowledge something that’s true because it’s too uncomfortable or painful to face.
It’s a defense mechanism our minds use to protect us from feeling bad about ourselves. So, instead of admitting that we made a poor decision, we might convince ourselves that it wasn’t really that bad or that we didn’t have a choice.
Why Do We Stay in Denial?
There are a few reasons why we stay in denial about our bad choices.
One big reason is fear.
Admitting that we’ve made bad decisions can be scary because it means we have to take responsibility for our actions.
It can also make us feel vulnerable and exposed, like we’re admitting a weakness.
Another reason is pride.
Sometimes, our ego gets in the way.
We don’t want to admit that we’ve messed up because it feels like a blow to our self-esteem. So, we pretend that everything is fine and that we’re in control, even when we’re not.
How Denial Leads to More Bad Choices
The problem with denial is that it keeps us stuck.
When we’re in denial, we don’t learn from our mistakes because we don’t even admit that they were mistakes in the first place.
This means we’re likely to keep making the same bad choices over and over.
Imagine you’re driving a car and you keep taking the wrong turn because you refuse to look at the map.
Each time you end up lost, but you tell yourself that it’s just a coincidence or that the map is wrong.
If you don’t acknowledge that you’re making the wrong turn, you’ll never change your route and find the right way.
So, How Do We Break Out of This Cycle of Denial and Bad Choices?
The first step is to be honest with ourselves. This can be tough, but it’s really important. We need to take a good, hard look at our choices and admit when we’ve made mistakes.
Once we’ve admitted our mistakes, the next step is to learn from them.
Ask yourself what went wrong and what you can do differently next time. It’s also helpful to talk to someone you trust. Sometimes an outside perspective can help us see things more clearly.
Remember, it’s okay to make mistakes. Everyone does.
The important thing is to learn from them and try not to repeat them.
Being in denial might feel safer in the short term, but it only keeps us stuck in the long run. By facing our mistakes head-on and learning from them, we can start making better choices and move forward in a positive direction.
So, next time you find yourself repeating a bad choice, take a step back and ask yourself if you’re in denial about it. It might be uncomfortable, but it’s the first step towards breaking the cycle and making better decisions.